LeeP
Now here's the Halloween story as promised:
"Young Bushenstein"
In an evil castle lived an evil asshole named Young Bushenstein. His father had been Bushenstein Sr. and his mother was the old Silver Douchebag. When young Bushenstein took over the kingdom, many people were pissed off at all the lowsy, corrupt and inhumane crime he and his goons committed, but they were afraid to speak up against Young Bushenstein because they didn't want to be stacked in nude pyramids with glow sticks shoved in them. A propoganda war had popped up and the people were constantly being told that the Moors were attacking the Kingdom and poisoning the food supply, and a terrible war raged on far away. Count RumsFuckula was an evil man who had worked for Bushenstein's father, and he also worked for Young Bushenstein. Count RumsFuckula wrang his greasy hands together and counted, "One War in the Mideast, hahaha, no Two Wars in the Mideast, Muahahaha!!" The children watched as a man dressed in a big bird suit got the big Bird Flu, then a big blue monster jumped out and bit the head off of a terrorist and the puppet show was over. Then someone stood up and talked about the dangers of the war and the evil of the enemies, trying to sway them to the side of the ongoing war. The wars raged on, and a growing number of people were starting to speak out against the wars though. Young Bushenstein wanted to keep his kingdom under his thumb amidst a sea of growing decent, so he had to act quickly.
Young Bushenstein had two Igors. One was named Karl Rover, who was his lap dog cronie, and the other was Prick Cheney (who had been the cronie of Young Bushenstein's father). Both of these raunchy men had their own hideous agendas, but they were able to mix their views with the ignorant views of Young Bushenstein. Since public opinion was starting the sway against them, they realized that they had to make propoganda of their own kind and get someone to spread their ideas to the masses more effectively. They decided to create a Fake News Monster to spread false rumors and to get people's minds away from the ongoing war in the Mideast that was costly for the masses and profitable only to Young Bushenstein and his oil baron cronies.
The Lab of Young Bushenstein
Young Bushenstein was in his lab trying to figure out ways to create this Monster to spread his lies, and he was laughing and drinking lots of strange potions and coming up with diabolical plans of creating exploding short buses and finding ways to blame the impending tragedies on the terrorist Moors.
"I wonder if we can make that there meth since we got us a lab", laughed Young Bushenstein, to which Prick Cheney responded in a low and loathsome voice, "don't be ridiculous, Bushenstein, we have to create a monster". "Yes, that's right", agreed Young Bushenstein.
Karl Rover hobbled in as they were trying to mix together an evil stew and pop it into the feeding tube of a recent dead person in order to revive them, except with bits and pieces of different brains they had saved from people who were past cronies of theirs.
"Rover", ordered Young Bushenstein, "We have already added the brains of past cronies, now I want the brains of Gucker Carleson and Robert Nutsack, who formerly used to be on a crappy show called CrossFirerer. "Yes, I will fetch their brains for you, master", and Karl Rover hobbled into the basement where they kept the brains of conservative cronies in jars in hopes of re-animation.
Down in the Dungeon Karl Rover stumbles onto the jar containing Robert Nutsack's balls, so he plucks those up, and then he see's Gucker Carleson's brain so he picks it up too. The jar is slippery and gregreasier than the jar of Bill Oil'Reilly, and Rover drops it onto the floor. Bill Oil'Reilly and Gucker Carleson's brains smash all over the place. Rover grabs another brain off the shelf and he accidently confuses the label that says "Hooker" to mean someone with that as a last name instead of a real prostitute!
Rover stumbles up the steps with the brain and the balls of the cronies, and brings them to Young Bushenstein in the Lab.
Young Bushenstein, Prick Cheney, and Karl Rover all kneel over the dead body and the place the brain into the head and the balls into the sack. Prick Cheney calls in his cronie Scooter to pull the electrical switch.
Zzzzaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaapppppppppp goes the switch.
A bolt of lightning shoots down from the sky and the corpse is instantly animated and starts saying, "Guck, guck, guck".
Young Bushenstein begins to shout, "It's ALIVE !!! It's ALIVE !!!!!!"
The monster jumps up and grabs Scooter and rips his head off, then he grabs Karl Rover and starts having sex with him in very crude ways while Rover tries to hide his smile. Prick Cheney had another heart attack, but then the electricity in the air somehow restored his heart beat, so he pulls out his tranquilizer gun and shoots the monster with it. The monster yelled, "Guck, Guck, Guck", then passes out on the floor.
When the monster awakes it is tied down to a table and surrounded by Young Bushenstein, Cheney, and Rover.
They begin to put all sorts of propoganda into the monster's head and brainwash him day and night. They give the monster a copy of Newsweek, and the monster yells, "Guck, Guck, Guck", then he chews it to pieces, eats it, then vomits it back up and it scrambles up the words so that it now becomes a good piece of propoganda for Bush and his goons. The Monster does this automatically without thinking.
"I shall dub this monster Guckert, since that is what it seems to say all the time", said Young Bushenstein with confidence in himself.
"Let's put this Gucker Monster in a suit and release him out into the open once we have perfectly brainwashed him", said Prick Cheney.
Young Bushenstein and Prick Cheney went down to Bushenstein's fancy party room for a few drinks to celebrate. They left the Gucker Monster strapped down to the table and left Rover to clean up the whole mess of the lab. Rover thought about how the Gucker Monster had ravished him, and he decided to untie him and see if he could have some more fun. The Gucker Monster jumped up, began performing a very filthy act upon Rover, then he grabbed a stack of New York Times papers and jumped out the window and ran towards the city through the night air!
Rover ran to fetch Young Bushenstein and Prick Cheney and he yelled, "The Gucker Monster has escaped into the city and he's heading towards the capital".
"Dammit", yelled Prick Cheney, "Now we'll have to cancel the re-animation plans we had for that Miers corpse to become the bride of Guckertstein".
A few days passed, and the town had found out about the Gucker Monster and many people were completely pissed off about it and began accusing Bushenstein of creating this monstrosity to brainwash the public. Not only that, but the Gucker Monster had been captured nude in a bath house doing raunchy things and having in his possession a press pass to Young Bushenstein's Castle!
The Gucker Monster quickly escaped from the jail and ran into Bushenstein's Castle for protection, and a large crowd with clubs and pitchforks had formed around Castle Bushenstein.
"We want the Gucker Monster! We want the Gucker Monster!"
Prick Cheney had to think fast, and he looked down at the dead body of Scooter that the Gucker Monster had killed a couple days before. Just then Prick Cheney had an idea and he told Young Bushenstein. Bushenstein then stood up on the castle walls and said, "Yes, it's true, there is a Gucker Monster, and we shall give him to you and throw him off this high castle wall for you because he has deceived us too and we think he is
working for the terrorists". They prop the deal body of Scooter on top of the wall and throw him off, and his guts splatter all over the ground in front of the crowd below. Upon seeing this, the crowds wild animal instincts are immediately appeased by the wild act done by Young Bushenstein, so they decide not to storm the Bastille and kick Bushenstein and his goons out of the Castle that day. They all decide to go home.
Meanwhile, in the dungeon of Castle Bushenstein the Gucker Monster is once again strapped to a table after having been subdued by tranquillizers. Karl Rover is tied up in a gimps suit, and Prick Cheney and Young Bushenstein wring their hands and think of other wicked things they can do. They also plot about unleashing the Gucker Monster once again and letting it do more damage to the credibility of the news once they have brainwashed it more thoroughly and have designed a good fake wig of hair for it and a new name.
But the population is one of growing decent against the corrupt ways of Young Bushenstein and his goons, and hopefully someday the masses will revolt and throw Bushenstein and his cronies out of the Castle for good. Hopefully they do this before it is too late, and before even worse monsters and evil deeds are let loose upon the Word!!!!
"The End" [?]
"Young Bushenstein"
In an evil castle lived an evil asshole named Young Bushenstein. His father had been Bushenstein Sr. and his mother was the old Silver Douchebag. When young Bushenstein took over the kingdom, many people were pissed off at all the lowsy, corrupt and inhumane crime he and his goons committed, but they were afraid to speak up against Young Bushenstein because they didn't want to be stacked in nude pyramids with glow sticks shoved in them. A propoganda war had popped up and the people were constantly being told that the Moors were attacking the Kingdom and poisoning the food supply, and a terrible war raged on far away. Count RumsFuckula was an evil man who had worked for Bushenstein's father, and he also worked for Young Bushenstein. Count RumsFuckula wrang his greasy hands together and counted, "One War in the Mideast, hahaha, no Two Wars in the Mideast, Muahahaha!!" The children watched as a man dressed in a big bird suit got the big Bird Flu, then a big blue monster jumped out and bit the head off of a terrorist and the puppet show was over. Then someone stood up and talked about the dangers of the war and the evil of the enemies, trying to sway them to the side of the ongoing war. The wars raged on, and a growing number of people were starting to speak out against the wars though. Young Bushenstein wanted to keep his kingdom under his thumb amidst a sea of growing decent, so he had to act quickly.
Young Bushenstein had two Igors. One was named Karl Rover, who was his lap dog cronie, and the other was Prick Cheney (who had been the cronie of Young Bushenstein's father). Both of these raunchy men had their own hideous agendas, but they were able to mix their views with the ignorant views of Young Bushenstein. Since public opinion was starting the sway against them, they realized that they had to make propoganda of their own kind and get someone to spread their ideas to the masses more effectively. They decided to create a Fake News Monster to spread false rumors and to get people's minds away from the ongoing war in the Mideast that was costly for the masses and profitable only to Young Bushenstein and his oil baron cronies.
The Lab of Young Bushenstein
Young Bushenstein was in his lab trying to figure out ways to create this Monster to spread his lies, and he was laughing and drinking lots of strange potions and coming up with diabolical plans of creating exploding short buses and finding ways to blame the impending tragedies on the terrorist Moors.
"I wonder if we can make that there meth since we got us a lab", laughed Young Bushenstein, to which Prick Cheney responded in a low and loathsome voice, "don't be ridiculous, Bushenstein, we have to create a monster". "Yes, that's right", agreed Young Bushenstein.
Karl Rover hobbled in as they were trying to mix together an evil stew and pop it into the feeding tube of a recent dead person in order to revive them, except with bits and pieces of different brains they had saved from people who were past cronies of theirs.
"Rover", ordered Young Bushenstein, "We have already added the brains of past cronies, now I want the brains of Gucker Carleson and Robert Nutsack, who formerly used to be on a crappy show called CrossFirerer. "Yes, I will fetch their brains for you, master", and Karl Rover hobbled into the basement where they kept the brains of conservative cronies in jars in hopes of re-animation.
Down in the Dungeon Karl Rover stumbles onto the jar containing Robert Nutsack's balls, so he plucks those up, and then he see's Gucker Carleson's brain so he picks it up too. The jar is slippery and gregreasier than the jar of Bill Oil'Reilly, and Rover drops it onto the floor. Bill Oil'Reilly and Gucker Carleson's brains smash all over the place. Rover grabs another brain off the shelf and he accidently confuses the label that says "Hooker" to mean someone with that as a last name instead of a real prostitute!
Rover stumbles up the steps with the brain and the balls of the cronies, and brings them to Young Bushenstein in the Lab.
Young Bushenstein, Prick Cheney, and Karl Rover all kneel over the dead body and the place the brain into the head and the balls into the sack. Prick Cheney calls in his cronie Scooter to pull the electrical switch.
Zzzzaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaapppppppppp goes the switch.
A bolt of lightning shoots down from the sky and the corpse is instantly animated and starts saying, "Guck, guck, guck".
Young Bushenstein begins to shout, "It's ALIVE !!! It's ALIVE !!!!!!"
The monster jumps up and grabs Scooter and rips his head off, then he grabs Karl Rover and starts having sex with him in very crude ways while Rover tries to hide his smile. Prick Cheney had another heart attack, but then the electricity in the air somehow restored his heart beat, so he pulls out his tranquilizer gun and shoots the monster with it. The monster yelled, "Guck, Guck, Guck", then passes out on the floor.
When the monster awakes it is tied down to a table and surrounded by Young Bushenstein, Cheney, and Rover.
They begin to put all sorts of propoganda into the monster's head and brainwash him day and night. They give the monster a copy of Newsweek, and the monster yells, "Guck, Guck, Guck", then he chews it to pieces, eats it, then vomits it back up and it scrambles up the words so that it now becomes a good piece of propoganda for Bush and his goons. The Monster does this automatically without thinking.
"I shall dub this monster Guckert, since that is what it seems to say all the time", said Young Bushenstein with confidence in himself.
"Let's put this Gucker Monster in a suit and release him out into the open once we have perfectly brainwashed him", said Prick Cheney.
Young Bushenstein and Prick Cheney went down to Bushenstein's fancy party room for a few drinks to celebrate. They left the Gucker Monster strapped down to the table and left Rover to clean up the whole mess of the lab. Rover thought about how the Gucker Monster had ravished him, and he decided to untie him and see if he could have some more fun. The Gucker Monster jumped up, began performing a very filthy act upon Rover, then he grabbed a stack of New York Times papers and jumped out the window and ran towards the city through the night air!
Rover ran to fetch Young Bushenstein and Prick Cheney and he yelled, "The Gucker Monster has escaped into the city and he's heading towards the capital".
"Dammit", yelled Prick Cheney, "Now we'll have to cancel the re-animation plans we had for that Miers corpse to become the bride of Guckertstein".
A few days passed, and the town had found out about the Gucker Monster and many people were completely pissed off about it and began accusing Bushenstein of creating this monstrosity to brainwash the public. Not only that, but the Gucker Monster had been captured nude in a bath house doing raunchy things and having in his possession a press pass to Young Bushenstein's Castle!
The Gucker Monster quickly escaped from the jail and ran into Bushenstein's Castle for protection, and a large crowd with clubs and pitchforks had formed around Castle Bushenstein.
"We want the Gucker Monster! We want the Gucker Monster!"
Prick Cheney had to think fast, and he looked down at the dead body of Scooter that the Gucker Monster had killed a couple days before. Just then Prick Cheney had an idea and he told Young Bushenstein. Bushenstein then stood up on the castle walls and said, "Yes, it's true, there is a Gucker Monster, and we shall give him to you and throw him off this high castle wall for you because he has deceived us too and we think he is
working for the terrorists". They prop the deal body of Scooter on top of the wall and throw him off, and his guts splatter all over the ground in front of the crowd below. Upon seeing this, the crowds wild animal instincts are immediately appeased by the wild act done by Young Bushenstein, so they decide not to storm the Bastille and kick Bushenstein and his goons out of the Castle that day. They all decide to go home.
Meanwhile, in the dungeon of Castle Bushenstein the Gucker Monster is once again strapped to a table after having been subdued by tranquillizers. Karl Rover is tied up in a gimps suit, and Prick Cheney and Young Bushenstein wring their hands and think of other wicked things they can do. They also plot about unleashing the Gucker Monster once again and letting it do more damage to the credibility of the news once they have brainwashed it more thoroughly and have designed a good fake wig of hair for it and a new name.
But the population is one of growing decent against the corrupt ways of Young Bushenstein and his goons, and hopefully someday the masses will revolt and throw Bushenstein and his cronies out of the Castle for good. Hopefully they do this before it is too late, and before even worse monsters and evil deeds are let loose upon the Word!!!!
"The End" [?]
posted by Alice at
Monday, October 31, 2005
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